3 Times Wilson Walked In
by Penelope S Cartwright
Summary: 3 Times Wilson walked in on House and Cuddy and once he didn't... Just a ficlet with a smutastic ending. One-shot.


**AN: A plot [smut] bunny that needed to be put down [on paper]. **

* * *

_3 Times Wilson Walked In… And 1 Time He didn't. _

**1. Really?**

It had been one of _those_ days at the hospital for Wilson. First one of his patients suddenly took a turn for the worst. The poor gentleman had looked so well yesterday but today he had given up all hope. Then one of his nurses was fired for stealing from another patient. That had been a mess and the security officers hadn't been a help either. House caused his usual scene in his office, complaining about Masters being a pain in the ass and then ranting that Cuddy hadn't put out in days because she was so stressed about the annual budget. Foreman then entered the office and started a shouting match with House, causing Cuddy to come running in and yelling, causing Masters to slip in and defend herself, etc, etc, etc.

He was tired.

He didn't want to deal with House's problems with his team and his sex life with Cuddy. If they had been at a bar, steadily getting drunk, then maybe hearing about a couple stories involving Cuddy and the hospital might have been entertaining. The woman was hot and his friend was a lucky bastard; who would blame him for listening? But no, they hadn't been at a bar.

Wilson had left the hospital much later than usual. He warily made his way home and then into his apartment. All he thought of was the cabernet still chilling in his ice box, fresh spinach dip and sour dough bread and his Netflix film queue just waiting to be summoned at a click of his remote. Peace and quiet.

Nothing was amiss when he walked into his pristine living quarters. The soft brown leather sofas looked too inviting so he quickly threw his briefcase and jacket into his room, toed off his loafers, pulled off his tie and made his way into the kitchen.

Five minutes later he had a large glass of wine in front of him and spinach dip with slices of bread on a plate in his lap. _Maybe this day was going to end well after all_, he thought as he scrolled through his movie queue.

House had obviously been messing with his account again. Seventies trash sexploitation films popped up first and then moved on to Olson twin kid flicks. This was so wrong. Wilson took a deep breath and then searched further. Luckily House did not delete his own list. He thought of watching "Bronson" for two seconds before remembering a highly detailed descriptive conversation with House on a homoerotic fight scene. Check that off. "Vertigo" was a safe choice but he could recite every line and he wanted to watch something new. He gave up looking through his section before choosing the cheesiest looking film House added on, "The Abductors." The busty blondes in the synopsis sold it for him. He could get a laugh out of House tomorrow with his retelling of some of the scenes.

Thirty minutes into the film, Wilson was feeling a slight buzz from his second glass of wine and was giggling at the atrocious dialog. This was even worse than some of the porn he rented. A male character was talking when he suddenly heard a noise behind him. It sounded like a giggle. He dismissed it, easily thinking it was from the film. He took another sip of his wine and promptly put it on the coffee table in front of him. That groan had not been in the film.

He got unsteadily onto his feet, his leg having fallen asleep, and made his way down the hall. He then noticed House's old room door was shut. Hearing another giggle, he threw open the door…

To nothing.

He rubbed a hand down his face. He was not losing it. He made to shut the door before he saw a nike shoe turned onto its side on the other side of the bed. Wilson took a step into the room and felt a hand grab his shoulder, making him flinch hard.

"I wouldn't go another step if I was you. You might be blinded for life," he heard House say next to him. He had been hiding behind the door.

His friend was shirtless, his jeans unbuttoned and unzipped, hanging low on his hips. He saw the pile of clothing behind the door which included a bra and a woman's blouse.

"Where's Cuddy?" Wilson asked exasperatedly.

"She's hiding in the closet. I told her you had seen those naked photos I have of her on my phone so it wasn't necessary to hide."

Wilson heard a muffled "hey!" followed by the quiet squeak of the closet door opening a bit. Cuddy peaked her head out and smiled apologetically. Her hair was in total disarray.

"We're sorry, James. We didn't think you were coming home so soon."

"Why the hell are you in my apartment in the first place?"

"Yours was closer, Jimmy boy."

"Only by five minutes! You couldn't wait five minutes to have sex?"

"Wilson," House said with all seriousness, "have you ever had a she-devil like Cuddy just want to jump your-."

"House!"

"Fine, fine! We'll leave. A little privacy for the lady?" House grunted.

Wilson rolled his eyes and stepped out of the room, heading back to his place on the couch. Two minutes later, his friends shuffled out of the room. Cuddy had the decency to look slightly ashamed, but House was preening more than a peacock.

"See you tomorrow, best buddy! Don't worry; I'll lock the door behind us."

With a slap to Cuddy's ass, a growled threat, and a slammed door, Wilson was left again to the peace of his apartment. He really needed to get that damn key back from House.

* * *

**2. "This must be the worst place to… you know!" **

He knew they were at it again right when he opened that fateful door to the men's room on the fourth floor. From under the stall he could see both of House's feet spread, his jeans bunched at his calves. He spied only one of Cuddy's heels on the ground, probably helping House support her.

"Right there! Oh yeah! House, House, _House_!"

A groan that sounded more like a wounded animal issued from the stall and was accompanied by a feminine whine two seconds later. Wilson made a face of disgust. He headed for the sink, deciding to ignore the couple in the locked stall and wash his hands covered in the ink of an exploded pen, the action he intended to do from his first step into the bathroom. He could hear House quickly zip and belt up and exit the stall first, his hair all over the place. He breathed a sigh of relief.

"It's only the boy wonder oncologist, boss. You're safe to leave the vicinity."

Cuddy looked immaculate and as if she weren't caught in flagrante. Only a light sheen of perspiration under eyes gave her away.

"Afternoon, Wilson," she said as she made a hasty retreat. House stood next to Wilson who was now drying his hands.

"Thanks for the lunch, boss! Very stimulating!"

Cuddy did not answer him as the door closed behind her. Wilson turned to look at House.

"I didn't believe you the first time you said Cuddy had been in here."

* * *

**3. The Wardrobe **

Wilson was going to get House back if it was the last thing he did. No more Mister nice oncologist. That bastard had changed all his scheduled appointments for the day, sent him a fiery red-haired stripper who couldn't understand the word 'no,' glued all the stuff on his desk to the top of it including his patient files, and, for his magnus opus, placed a timer that went off every three minutes shrilly in the ceiling. It took him the better part of an hour to get to the wretched device and chuck it out of his door and over the balcony.

It was the last straw.

He left work a half hour early, glancing down the hall to see House conducting a differential with his team. That was good. House would be tied up with the case for a couple more hours at least. Wilson drove straight to House's apartment and let himself in with his key. The place was cleaner than usual. He attributed that to Cuddy's now constant presence in his friend's life. _Well, first things first_, he thought. He turned on House's television and brought up his DVR menu. He promptly deleted all the unwatched episodes of "Prescription Passion." _That's what he gets for deleting "Fuego de Amor," _grinned Wilson. Next he changed the settings on House's internet router and then put parental controls on his browsing options on the internet. It was childish but House would take more than five minutes to figure out what was wrong with his computer. He was in House's bedroom when he heard the front door open violently. He was in the middle of changing the time for the alarm clock so he panicked, placing it on the bedside table as fast and quiet as possible and froze.

"Why the HELL did you change the surgery schedule for the second time today? Tomas is already complaining to the board I don't do my fucking job with you around!"

"My patient was bleeding out! I think he had preference over the other non-dying patients on the list!"

"What about the second time, huh?"

"That was to screw over Tomas and get a look at my patient's heart."

"Your patient was still recovering from his first surgery! He could have waited until his _scheduled_ follow-up!"

"You're only angry because Tomas complained to the board! Those old vultures are not going to call you out on it! You're their best asset for the hospital."

"Don't even try to sweet talk me now, House!"

"Why not? Looks like you can use a little … tension relief?"

Wilson heard a loud thump, breaking him out of his frozen state. He could hear the rustle of fabric being thrown on the floor, the dropping of what sounded like a backpack, and then the clatter of shoes. Looking around quickly he had two options: hide in the bathroom and risk immediate discovery or hop into the wardrobe which would give him a better chance of sneaking out, undetected, when they were… ah, finished. How many times was God going to punish him like this? He chose the wardrobe and shut the door with only a moment to spare. He heard the door to the room slam all the way open and the bed springs squeal under their combined weight. Even though it was muffled, he could hear everything. He tried stuffing his fingers over his ears but it could not drown out the sound of his friends. He tried to remember all the different types of leukemia and list their symptoms in alphabetical order.

Nothing could get his mind off of Cuddy keening in pleasure less than three feet away from him and his best friend being the cause of such orgasmic bliss. He shuddered and wanted to tear his ears off.

After twenty minutes of silence, Wilson took a chance to look out. Both Cuddy and House were covered and wrapped around each other. Cuddy was tucked under House's chin as he rested it against her head. Both their breathing was even and steady, all signs of sleep present. Wilson tip toed out of the wardrobe, closed it quietly [freezing once because the door squeaked causing House to grunt slightly in his sleep], and crept out of the room. With practiced ease, he slipped out of the apartment.

He was walking up the stairs to his place when he received a text.

_Next time I'll charge you for the performance. H. _

That bastard.

* * *

**4. Fin**

They were on her couch, necking. The day had actually gone well with no major disasters or crisis. Rachel was with her grandmother for the weekend so they had more privacy at Cuddy's home. Cuddy breathed in sharply as she felt House's teeth graze her throat. His hand had found its way up her shirt and fondled her breast. She was straddling him, his long legs stretched out underneath her. Dexterously, she removed his shirt, his mouth leaving her collarbone for only a second. He had unbuttoned her shirt and was prying it off of her. She moved back and found his lips, opening to him and tasting him in return. His hands moved to her waist and then moved sensually up and down her back. Her bra was removed and flung over to a nearby lamp.

"We have to make a change of venue, House," she breathed out as his lips kissed right above her breast.

"I'm fine here," he mumbled against her skin, nibbling his way back up her neck and to her ear.

She arched her neck back, the sensation almost too much for her. His scruff rubbed against her cheek as he turned back to kiss her lips. She was always amazed at how soft his lips were. Both of his trapped her bottom lip between them, his tongue running along it. She shivered and moved her arms up and around his neck, pressing as close to him as humanly possible.

A groan made Cuddy pull back. It hadn't come from her or House.

"What was that?" she whispered.

House raised an eyebrow.

"It's nothing," he replied hoarsely and tried to kiss her again.

She pushed on both her shoulders to hold him away from him.

"Shut up! What if it's Wilson again? I will kill both of you if he walks in on us having sex again."

"It's not Wilson," he laughed and flinched back as she smacked him. "He has no reason to be over here. If he was getting me back for anything I _might_ have done recently, he would be at my apartment."

House pulled her closer again, his lips landing on her right cheek. Her eyes were narrowed in disbelief. House sighed.

"Your house is-what? Eight, ten years old? It sounded like the foundation settling… or something."

Cuddy seemed to accept this. House took this as his chance to distract her beyond the point she would notice anything but him. He moved out from under her, hooking one arm under her knees and the other around her shoulders. He picked her up in one smooth motion. Cuddy startled for a second before she laughed and held onto his neck.

"Your leg?" she asked as they limped down through her hallway and to her bedroom.

"It's okay. My third one on the other hand…"

She laughed as he tossed her onto her bed. He stood up and looked down at her. She smiled devilishly, stretching out her long legs, knees apart and putting her hands behind her head, arching back.

"You might want to wipe the drool off your chin."

House shook himself mentally and smirked at her. He unzipped, unbuckled, and shrugged out of his jeans, sitting down on the bed to take them off without accidentally falling. He shivered as he felt her fingers run down his side. He turned to look at her and was shocked to see she had already removed her gym shorts and panties.

"Hurry up," she said huskily. "You're taking too damn long."

"I knew I loved you for a reason."

His boxer briefs were tossed to the floor to join his jeans. He immediately settled himself on top of his vixen. His arms supported his weight while a hand ran through her hair, tilting her head back as he kissed her deeply. She was so hot and soft under him. He moaned as he felt one of her hands touch his cock lightly and then grip it firmly. She stroked him until he pulled her arm away. He was going to come before he even entered her.

He held both her wrists to her side as he kissed her sternum. Cuddy gasped as he wrapped his lips around her left nipple. His teeth scrapped it softly.

"House," she moaned.

He gave the same attention to her other breast and proceeded to kiss and nip down her stomach. He placed a soft kiss above her curls, his eyes locking on hers. With a wink, he looked down at her sex. She was wet and trembling. His mouth watered as he smelled the sweet musky scent of her arousal.

"House," she whined softly and then keened, taking a deep breath.

His tongue ran the length of her sex, gently parting her. He let go of her left wrist, bringing his right hand down to part her more. He licked wide circles around her clit, teasing her and loving the way she refused to beg him, but moved her pelvis around for more contact. Her free hand had come to rest on his head. Her nails were stroking and scratching at him. The way her nails scraped his scalp made him want to purr like an over grown cat, no matter how ridiculous he thought the inclination was. He loved it. Her trembling grew when he closed his lips over her clit and sucked. Cuddy cried out. He let two fingers slip inside her feeling her molten core and how tight she was. He continued to lick and stroke her until her walls gripped his fingers tightly.

"Ah! Hou-House!"

She gripped his hair painfully for a minute before she relaxed. He moved back up her body, kissing bits of skin at random before he was face to face with her. They smiled as her hand ran across his scruffy cheek. They kissed chastely, or as chastely as two naked adults could, and built up the momentum of the kiss. Breathless, House pulled away and gripped her close. His head rested in the crook of her neck.

"You feel so fucking good," he whispered in her ear, pressing more of his weight on her.

Cuddy's arms wrapped around him; her hands running up and down his back. He kissed his way down her jaw, shifting his hips until he felt himself align with her. He penetrated her slowly, relishing every panted breath from her that washed over him. She mewled quietly when he was fully inside, cradled by her hips. They held each other for another minute before he grunted out, "I've got to move" and withdrew half ways from her. He eased his stroke back in her, making love to her lazily.

She pushed at him and rolled him on his back, never separating, when he wouldn't speed up for her. Her hips met his quickly. She rotated them on her down-stroke, making him feel every inch of himself inside her.

"Cuddy," he huffed, gripping her thighs and starting to thrust up to meet her.

He looked down his body only once, watching her take him in and then pulling up. His eyes snapped shut as he felt the familiar tightening in his groin. Both of Cuddy's hands were on his shoulders guiding her movements. She came again minutes later, shuddering over him. Her walls clamped down mercilessly tight around him like a velvet vice causing him to orgasm with a groan. Cuddy laid on top of him, their arms holding each other close while her forehead rested against his chin. He stared at the ceiling glassily.

A floorboard squeaked in the hall.

Cuddy made to move off of him but he held her against his chest.

"I swear House if-."

"There's no one here!" he exclaimed. He couldn't help but laugh at her paranoia.

"He's already walked in on us twice" House had never told her about the wardrobe "and I don't want to make it a third!"

"Are you implying Wilson's a voyeur and has walked in on us on purpose? Oh, I can't wait to share that bit of gossip with him on Monday."

"You can sleep with your hand next time if you do."

"I was only _kidding_," he said mockingly.

Their eyes met. He could tell she believed him. They rolled onto their sides. Sleep was starting to creep up on them, but before Cuddy could close her eyes she heard House speak again.

"I wonder if I could get Chase to walk in on us next…"

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**AN: Dedicated to the lovely Iane Casey who pushes [well, threatens actually] me to write more. This one is for you, love! To my usual readers, never fear, "Lie to Me" will be updated soon. The story is almost hashed out so I appreciate all your patience. Thanks for reading and don't forget to leave a review [was it funny? Sexy? EW, Wilson! Anything. ;) ]! **


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